Who could even lift this much weight?

I have a small bit of pressure in the chest area, no not a heart attack....it is sadness. I missed my Aunt today, I probably wouldn't have seen her anyways, but a little heavy hearted anywho....I keep remebering the last week, the last night, the last look from the nurse, the last minute, the last breath....Oh, that last breath. It is weird you know, death. Not as final as I had thought, maybe even had hoped in some ways. I didn't want it to be so final that I may never see her again, but maybe just final enough that it doesn't feel so...so...loose ended. Although, if it was easier we wouldn't have something to remind us to tell our loved ones that they are just that...loved ones. Or maybe I wouldn't be as motivated to keep my patience. I don't think I will ever be over this feeling, just more used to it. An unforgettable feeling for an unforgettable woman I guess. I still talk to her you know? Only when I feel like she is around....like when I was working so hard to make GiGi's present perfect. I felt like she was telling me to quit working so damn hard...she would have been fine with that damn paper, slap it on there and move. Ya, Patti...I know, I know...but it means something to me. I haven't shed those sticky notes yet...I will, I need a somewhat warm morning with a beautiful sunset and no kids. I need deep breaths, moments of silence, and shot...I need great conversations about you, about my favorite memories with you and about that night. I need you to come to me in a dream and make it all better.....I need...I need.......I need a tissue.